Top Ten HTML Extensions that Didn’t Make it Into Netscape 0.9

(because they ran out of beer)

  1. <WIRED></WIRED>
    Renders the enclosed text in Sturm und Drang 374 Medium Bold Condensed,
    in light purple on a neon orange background. Tells you repeatedly how cool
    you are for using netscape.
  2. <ROACH>….</ROACH>
    When selected, the enclosed text runs and hides under the nearest window.
    OR, giggles a lot and demands nachos, depending on your definition of “roach.”
    (the formal definition, of course, to be determined by the Official Honorary
    Internet Standards Commicodeee For Moving Really Slowly.)
  3. <KILL_SGML>
    Should anyone foolish enough to think that HTML is still SGML and try and
    run a netscape-html document through an SGML editor, processor, or other
    tool, this tag causes an immediate core dump, erases anything on your disk
    with “DTD” in the name, and emails a randomly-selected insult to Tim Pierce.
    Inserts “zippyisms” into the enclosed text. Perfect for those professional
  5. <SECRET>….</SECRET>
    In order to read the enclosed text, you have to have secret spy decoder
    glasses (available direct from Netscape for a reasonable fee). You can also
    read it by holding your computer in front of a full moon during the autumn
  6. <HYPE>
    Causes Marc Andreesen to magically appear and grant you an interview (whether
    you want one or not). Please use this tag sparingly.
  7. <PEEK>….</PEEK>
  8. <POKE></POKE>
    So you want more control over screen layout in HTML? Well, here ya go.
    Summons the elder gods to suck away your immortal soul. Or Bill Gates, if
    the elder gods are busy. Unpredictable (but amusing) results occur when
    the <YOGSOTHOTH> and <HYPE> tags are used
    in close proximity.
  10. <BLINK></BLINK>
    Causes the enclosed text to….ooops, that one made it in.