Top Ten HTML Extensions that Didn’t Make it Into Netscape 0.9

(because they ran out of beer)

  1. <WIRED></WIRED>
    Renders the enclosed text in Sturm und Drang 374 Medium Bold Condensed, in light purple on a neon orange background. Tells you repeatedly how cool you are for using netscape.
  2. <ROACH>….</ROACH>
    When selected, the enclosed text runs and hides under the nearest window. OR, giggles a lot and demands nachos, depending on your definition of “roach.” (the formal definition, of course, to be determined by the Official Honorary Internet Standards Commitee For Moving Really Slowly.)
  3. <KILL_SGML>
    Should anyone foolish enough to think that HTML is still SGML and try and run a netscape-html document through an SGML editor, processor, or other tool, this tag causes an immediate core dump, erases anything on your disk with “DTD” in the name, and emails a randomly-selected insult to Tim Pierce.
    Inserts “zippyisms” into the enclosed text. Perfect for those professional documents.
  5. <SECRET>….</SECRET>
    In order to read the enclosed text, you have to have secret spy decoder glasses (available direct from Netscape for a reasonable fee). You can also read it by holding your computer in front of a full moon during the autumn solstice.
  6. <HYPE>
    Causes Marc Andreesen to magically appear and grant you an interview (whether you want one or not). Please use this tag sparingly.
  7. <PEEK>….</PEEK>
  8. <POKE></POKE>
    So you want more control over screen layout in HTML? Well, here ya go.
    Summons the elder gods to suck away your immortal soul. Or Bill Gates, if the elder gods are busy. Unpredictable (but amusing) results occur when the <YOGSOTHOTH> and <HYPE> tags are used in close proximity.
  10. <BLINK></BLINK>
    Causes the enclosed text to….ooops, that one made it in.