How to Live with a Neurotic Motorcycle

Rule #1: Just because it started and ran fine yesterday doesn’t mean
that it’ll start today.

Rule #2: Never presume to move the car, move the bike, then move the
car back until you have actually tried to start the bike. Under NO circumstances
put on jacket, scarf, boots, helmet and gloves before verifying that the bike
is running and is going to continue running.

Rule #3: A fully charged battery is like a delicate lily. Cherish
it now in its full flower, cause it’ll die tomorrow for no apparent reason.

Rule #4: Always know where your petcock is and how to move it from
on to reserve — not just while standing, but while cruising down a hill at
50 mph with the bike choking and surging beneath you.

Rule #5: “On” means “prepare to switch to “reserve” at any given moment.”
“reserve” means “ha ha, you’re stranded.”

Rule #6: The probability of the bike running out of gas or otherwise
breaking down is inversely proportional to the distance you are from a gas
station or other safe location.

Corrallary to rule #6: All owners of neurotic motorcycles have permanent
bruises on thier calves.

Rule #6a: The probability of being able to start your bike on the
first kick is inversely proportional to the number of people watching you.

Its even worse if you are trying to impress any of those people.

Rule #7: The tiny space between the top of your sock and your pants
leg is always just wide enough to come in contact with the exhaust pipe.

Rule #8: You will never remember if that funny whirring noise you
suddenly hear coming from the engine is normal or not. To make sure, you’ll
rebuild the engine only to find out that yes, it was normal.

Rule #9: There is always one more bolt. And that bolt is not metric.

Rule #10: Do not lean the bike over on its sidestand when the sidestand
is not down.

Rule #11: Swearing does not help, but it provides amusement for the