too many words by laura lemay

worn out. tired out. burnt out. wrong.

warning: introspection.

It seems that the Project From Hell took a whole lot more out of me than I originally thought. Normally the bad horrorshow projects end and there are a couple days of rest and decompression and catching up with email and that’s that, things are Right again, no big. This project didn’t do that. This project ended and still there were nightmares and headaches and poor focus and bursting into tears at inopportune moments. I got stuck in Wrong and I couldn’t get back.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been recovering. I took some time off from work and spent a lot of time sitting around and doing mostly nothing, thinking mostly nothing, being mostly nothing. This has been a really non-productive, non-creative, just non period of time. But I’m starting to sort of sleep better and to feel a little more like a normal person again. Not yet Right, but not feeling so much like drowning anymore.

The obvious question I ask myself here is “Laura, when are you going to discover this work/life balance thing and not let projects from hell run you ragged and turn things Wrong in the first place.” And the answer is: hell if I know. I don’t know how to do that. I’m good at hard focus projects and I’m going at doing nothing. I don’t understand balance. But this experience was a genuine surprise for me and something that will require a lot more deep thought. I’ll get to that once I can manage to string a few deep thoughts together.