too many words by laura lemay

I am back and I was not killed by a terrorist

I have returned unscathed from the wilds of the eastern seaboard. My plane flights were entirely uneventful, unsullied as they were by liquids or gels. My famous transportation bad luck even remained mostly in check, and I did not miss any flights, get stuck in any insane long security lines, have any panic attacks while waiting in said lines, or be subjected to any cavity searches. Even so, it was a fun trip.

Some interesting (maybe) statistics about my trip:

  • Days spent on Jersey Shore: 4
  • Jellyfish spotted while on beach: 5
  • Transvestite fathers spotted while on beach: 1
  • Gallons of ocean water swallowed and/or inhaled while playing in ocean: 3
  • Mutations caused by swallowing and/or inhaling Jersey Shore ocean water: ??
  • Bad food eaten on beach: lots
  • Mosquito bites: 14
  • Number of umbrella drinks drank: 19 (number approximate as memory is fuzzy)
  • Number of hours train from New York to Boston delayed: 4 (cf. famous transportation bad luck)
  • Number of entertaining country music songs on the only working music channel on the bus from Boston to Concord, NH after iPod ran out of power: 1
  • Cost to see the corpse flower blooming in Lakeport, NH: $10
  • Number of people who actually knew a corpse flower was blooming in Lakeport NH: not a lot.
  • Time it normally takes to drive from Laconia, NH to Wellfleet, MA (Cape Cod): 4 hrs.
  • Time it takes in summer, with beach traffic and road construction: 7 hrs. (cf. transportation bad luck)
  • Number of summers I spent as a child visiting my gramma on the Cape: many
  • Number of times on this trip my gramma asked me if I had ever visited her on the Cape: many. 🙁
  • Number of years since I’ve been to the Cape: 20+
  • Amount it has changed: not a lot.
  • Number of oysters picked up off the beach on the Cape: 150
  • Cost for oysters: Effectively free; the mass. fish & game permit costs $25 for the entire year.
  • Number of raw oysters I ate while picking up oysters on the beach: lots
  • Amount of happiness experienced while eating oysters on the beach: lots
  • How badly I want to go back and eat oysters all day long on the beach: lots
  • Number of maine lobsters eaten while on Cape Cod: 1 (it was a short trip and I was distracted by the oysters).
  • Number of times my fancy new european cell phone stopped working while traveling all up and down the east coast: only once — during that 4 hour delay on the train (cf. famous transportation bad luck).
  • Number of boxes of maple sugar candy brought back from New England: 1
  • Do maple sugar candies count as a liquid or a gel? I’m not sure. I checked them.

I have sand everywhere. More stories soon.