too many words by laura lemay


One of my favourite things in the world are Penguin Mints. They are not only excellent mints with none of the weird aftertaste or meat products* of Altoids, but they are caffeinated. Yes, caffeinated peppermints. What more could you want? I buy them by the case. I also buy the decaf mints, which may not have the kick but they’re just a darn good mint.

Yesterday I had a tin of the full-octane mints open on my desk while I was working and I just kept absentmindedly eating them. Before I knew it I was done with the entire box. Uh oh.

On the box it says that three mints are equivalent to one cola beverage, which means I had gulped down somewhere between fourteen and twenty cokes before I realized what I had done. And even worse, there’s sort of a lag between the time you eat them and the time the big caffiene bang actually fully comes on. Try to imagine the feeling of dread I had.

It actually wasn’t all that awful. I got a lot accomplished, although I had to keep walking up the stairs because I was vibrating through the molecules of the floor and falling through to the office below.

This morning, though: ugh. I didn’t think you could get a caffeine hangover. I slept straight through the night–which is a miracle, considering–but it feels like I didn’t sleep at all and someone was standing over me pounding me with a stick the whole time. I am tired and sluggish and grumpy.

I suppose the solution to that is….more caffeine!