Rejection Letters from Xavier’s School of Exceptional Youth (from McSweeney’s)
Dear Adam “Gutbuster” Connors,
We regret to inform you that you have not been selected as a member of this year’s class. Training to be part of the X-Men team is difficult and, unfortunately, your mutant ability to spew large amounts of mildly offensive fumes from your rectum is somewhat duplicative seeing as we have a janitor named Carl with the same—albeit involuntary—ability. In addition, Wolverine can be rather ripe at times, which, in small confined spaces, might overshadow your talents. Thank you for your interest in Xavier’s School of Exceptional Youth.
I, of course, am such a dork that I protest that it was actually Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, not Exceptional Youth. Obviously my mutant power is pedantry.
(I got it from heat death of the universe.)