scientifically accurate warning labels

How much do I love fake documentation? I love fake documentation. Here are samples from Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels(from the Journal of Irreproducible Results)

Advisory: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as ‘tunneling,’ this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor’s domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Public Notice as Required by Law: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

Important Notice to Purchasers: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.